A
- Agreement
- Two (or more) people agreeing to uphold a mutually-held value in their relationship
B
- Boundary
- A restriction I place on myself, governing my own actions regarding what I will or will not do or accept in my relationships. They do not affect anyone but me, and only define my actions.
C
- Compersion
- An empathetic state of happiness and joy experienced when another individual experiences happiness and joy. In the context of polyamorous relationships, it describes positive feelings experienced by an individual when their intimate partner is enjoying another relationship. (It is possible to feel compersion and jealousy at the same time, they are not mutually exclusive feelings. Not feeling compersion is also OK!)
D
- Disclosure Policy
- An agreement between two or more partners which outlines what information may be exchanged about or with other relationships. For example, a “full disclosure policy” usually means that two partners are comfortable sharing any / all details about their other relationships with each other.
- Don’t Ask Don’t Tell / DADT
- a stricter form of parallel poly in which no information about partners is shared with other partners. Partners will know that other partners may exist, but usually not more than that, based on their disclosure policy.
- Dyad
- Any committed, intimate two-person relationship. Monogamous relationships form dyads, and most polyamorous relationships comprise groups of dyads.
E
- Established Relationship Energy (ERE)
- A feeling of comfort and security often associated with a long-standing relationship. Usually characterized by stability, familiarity, trust, and comfort. Possible problems include stagnation, complacency, and taking your partner for granted.
- Ethical Non-Monogamy
- Any relationship involving more than two people where all members are fully aware, communicate openly and honestly with one another, and consent to any emotional or sexual involvement which occurs. This includes many different lifestyles to include polyamory, polygamy, swinging, and some varieties of kink.
K
- Kitchen Table Polyamory
- A style of polyamory in which all or most members of the polycule could feel comfortable spending time together and knowing each other. Named for the kitchen table they might share a meal around.
M
- Metamour / Meta
- A play on the term ‘paramour’, a person with whom you share a mutual partner, and with whom you do not necessarily have a relationship. For example, if your partner has another partner, that other partner is your metamour.
N
- New Relationship Energy (NRE)
- A strong, almost giddy feeling of excitement and infatuation common in the beginning of a new relationship. Usually characterized by novelty, exploration, and sometimes volatility. Possible problems include ignoring red flags, neglecting established relationships and commitments, and lack of self-care.
P
- Parallel Poly
- A style of polyamory in which one person’s partners might never meet or even know of each other. Each relationship is entirely independent of each other.
- Polyamory
- The philosophy or state of being romantically involved with more than one person at the same time. There are many styles of polyamory, and they can be hand tailored to fit your needs. (If you are ever unsure about how someone else does poly, the best thing to do is ask!)
- Polycule
- A romantic network whose members are closely connected. Like a family tree, polycules can get more or less complicated depending on how far out you go in your network.
- Polyfidelity / Closed Polycule
- A romantic or sexual relationship which involves more than two people, but which does not permit the members of that relationship to seek additional emotional or sexual partners outside the relationship without the approval and consent of all the existing members
- Polysaturated
- Polyamorous, but not currently open to new relationships or new partners because of the number of existing partners or other commitments that might make new relationships difficult.
Q
- Quad
- A polyamorous relationship involving four people, each of whom may or may not be sexually and emotionally involved with each of the other members. (This most commonly manifests when two existing couples pair off with each other.)
R
- Relationship Anarchy
- A philosophy or practice in which people are free to engage in any relationships they choose, spontaneity and freedom are desirable / necessary traits, and in which there is not necessarily a clear distinction between “partner” and “non-partner.”
- Relationship Escalator
- The idea central to monogamous culture where a successful relationship is one that goes through a set of common cultural milestones, such as dating to engagement to marriage to kids to growing old together, where deviation from the constantly-upward trajectory is a failure.
- Relationship Hierarchy
- An approach to polyamory in which a person has multiple partners who are not equal to one another in terms of intensity, entanglement, or power within the relationship. Members of hierarchy based relationships may have multiple primary partners and multiple secondary or tertiary partners. (The needs of my primary partner are my top priority).
- Rule
- Restrictions put on another person, often without their consent, input, or buy in. Often comes with a defined consequence for breaking the rule.
S
- Solo-Poly
- An approach to polyamory that emphasizes agency and does not usually seek to engage in relationships that involve long-term commitment or entanglement. People who identify as solo poly emphasize autonomy, the freedom to choose their own relationships without seeking permission from others, and flexibility in the form their relationships take. (I am my own primary partner, my own needs come first)
T
- Triad
- A polycule structure composed of three people in which each of the three people are sexually or romantically involved with both of the other members.
U
- Unicorn Hunting
- A practice where an established couple seeks out a “third” partner, stereotypically a bisexual woman. While there is absolutely nothing wrong in principle with Unicorn Hunting, the practice is generally stigmatized within the Polyamorous community due to a longstanding history of problems and complications. Proceed with caution and consent.
V
- Vee
- A polycule structure involving three people in which one person is romantically or sexually involved with two partners who are not romantically or sexually involved with each other. The one in the middle is the anchor or the hinge, the other two are metamours.